The GAA Virus

The Internet Viruses Council has just issued a warning which should be taken very seriously concerning viruses which may strike during the summer months - in Ireland in particular. This group of nasty viruses are referred to as "GAA computer Viruses" and are named and described as follows:-

The Meath Virus: Throws you out of Windows.

The Clare Virus: Memory forgets everything before 1995.

The Kilkenny Virus: Guaranteed to hit 5 times on the 11th of September 2000.

The Tribesman Virus : Appears and disappears on one Sunday in August.

The Kerry Virus: Five years of hard work wiped out by undetected Offaly mail.

The Waterford Virus: Not due to strike again for another 40 years.

The Colin Lynch Virus: Boots up some Waterford computers and carries on as if nothing happened.

The Ger Loughnane Virus 1: Virtually impossible to rid your PC of this one.

The Mayo Virus Family: Always billed as harmful, but really are nothing to worry about.

The Mick O'Dwyer Virus: Attempts to install lots of foreign programs to replace existing slow-running applications.

The Limerick Hurling Virus: Causes problems for 65 minutes then disappears never to be seen again.

The Babs Keating Virus: Enters a PC, attempts to delete all existing programs and reformat hard drive; when detected and removed it generates weekly log files citing errors in bits 8 to 15.

The John Maughan Virus: System crashes in September.

The John Leahy Virus: A particularly lethal virus. Users are advised to tie down the monitor as a precaution before approaching.

The David Forde Virus: Hasn't been seen since the "Michael Duignan Virus Killer" was invented.

The Michael Donnellan Virus: Attacks operating system and timekeeper and then deletes all records of this ever occurring.

The Offaly Virus: Often looked on as a benign irritation but strikes your OS as you are about to shut down. Often results in the firing of the General Manager of your PC manufacturer.

Ger Loughnane Virus 2: A continuous whining sound emitted from speakers, keeps generating data corruption messages, PC blows up but it won't accept any blame.

The Martin Lynch Virus: Computer pretends to go down, but then boots back up and is OK.

The Kieran McDonald Virus: The lights on you PC are all on but nothing works.

The Rebel Virus: Cheats your PC at vital time, plays outside the rules every chance it gets. Anti Viral solution being worked on by Loughnane Ltd. Rebel Virus to be put down 9/7/00.

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