Pat Spillane Quotes

They have a forward line that couldn't punch holes in a paper bag. Pat Spillane on the Cavan Team.

The first half was even, the second half was even worse. - Pat Spillane reflects on an Ulster Championship clash.

You get more contact in an old-time waltz at the old-folks' home than in a National League final. - Pat Spillane

Pat Spillane, Colm O'Rourke & Jarlath Burns...
Pat Spillane, Colm O'Rourke, and Jarlath Burns are standing before
God at the throne of Heaven.
God looks at them and says; "Before granting you a place at my side, I
must first ask you what you believe in."
Addressing Colm O'Rourke first, he asks "What do you believe?"
O'Rourke looks God in the eye,and states passionately,"I believe
Gaelic football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such
unbridled joy to so many people, from the slums of East Tyrone, to the
kingdom of Kerry. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to those
people who stood on the terraces supporting their club and county"
God looks up and offers Colm the seat to his left.
He then turns to Jarlath Burns. "And you, Mr Burns. What do you
believe?"
Jarlath stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion
are the fundamentals to life, and I've spent my whole playing career
providing a living embodiment of these traits".
God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Jarlath the seat to his
right.
Finally, he turns to Pat Spillane. "And you, Mr Spillane. What do you
believe"
"I believe", says Pat, "that you're in my seat".

Dabollix Spillane
One of the top attackers of all time , a true wizard with both foot and mouth , as Michael O'Heir said "A bamboozling bit of football from Dabollix Spillane". Another great GAH author his first book "Shooting from The Lip" sold out all 15 copies in the first year mainly to members of the greatest football team in the history of sport of which Pat of course was a leading member. Has made a great career after he retired in analysising the 31 weaker counties in the championship. Shoots from the hip and lip. His mother is an Olympic sprinter and is in altitude training on Mt Brandon getting ready for Athens. A great medal hope , Maurice Green better pack the nappies. The only man in Kerry with a personalised PO box ,Dabollix Co Kerry . His second book "****eing from D'arse" is on hold until after the Olympics where there will be a special chapter about his ma.

A certain Kerrymans diary
Extracts from a GAA Pundits diary ( this is anentirely fictionalcharacter and any similarities with any individual, living or dead, are completely coincidental).

Day 1

Another Monday, another cheque in the back pocket from RTE thanks to my witty, outrageous and controversial 'Monday Feedback' corner on the Monday Game. The moneys good but it would want to be - dragging me up to this shitheap every week away from my beautiful Kingdom. On the upside though, I was backstage in 'makeup' this evening, when who should walk in but Sharon Ni Bheoilan, the chick from the News I wouldn't mind going up for a 50/50ball with her-if you catch my meaning. I think I'll give her a signed copy of my excellent autobiography that usually has the babes begging for some Kingdom-Love.

I don't know why I have to go into makeup anyway-they usually sit me beside those gobshites O'Rourke and Lyster in the studio - sure no makeup could clean those two cunts up -especially O'Rourke, the fuckwit looks like some horrible genetic experiment gone wrong. I read through my emails, phonecalls and letters - you know I don't like Clare fuckers but that psycho Loughnane made one good point in his life - its only nutters that bother ringing into these programs they should get a life - in fact I think I'll bring that into my rant this evening.

Joe Brolly is the other guest tonight, the nordy cunt. Thinks he's as outspoken as me, what the fuck would he know - with only one All-Ireland to his name Lyster that smarmy bollix seems to like him though I don't trust that fucker Apparently Brolly is a barrister . What kind of nordy Catholic is a barrister? an orange one I'd say. He'll take some watching

Day 2:

- a few days later Its great being a GAA pundit - spout some shite a couple of times a week and laugh all the way to the bank. Take today for instance, I was sitting in the jacks having a nice dump when all of a sudden I remember 'shit I have to have my Sunday Worst column submitted by this evening'. Its fucking demeaning to have to write for that rag, what do they know about the beautiful sport of Gaelic Football anyway the shower of jackeen bastards?

Anyway, back to the column - I write a splendid piece of prose about how great the Munster Final is when its Cork and Kerry competing and those inbreds in Clare and Tipp are knocked out. I suppose I'll be getting death threats from the Clare cunts again - they're so fucking touchy. They know they have no right to be even on the same pitch as the mighty, majestic is provoke, to analyse, to spout shit - and I do it so well.

Day Number 3 Back on the Monday Game for the 'Feedback' slot. No sign of Sharon in makeup, pity. Brolly comes into the studio - he's becoming a bit of a fixture around here. I start whistling 'The Sash' - I think it throws him off his stride a bit. Lyster brought up the subject of Offaly football. Offaly -those cheating bastards - I'll never forgive them for '82, scum - thats all they are.

I tell the nation what I feel - shoot from the hip. Brolly tries to cut across me, tell him to shut up, he hasn't got enough All-Ireland medals to interrupt me. After the show, he won't talk to me - what would you expect from an Orange bastard?

Day4 I met Micko the other day. Kildare are out (not fucking suprising really, the shower of cripples)and he's contemplating his future. All the papers were saying he was the greatest football manager of all time. In fairness its easy to be a good manager when you havethe greatest player ever to grace a sports pitch of any description on your side.

I told his so aswell - I said'Mick, I'm the reason we won so much, not your fucking training routines and diets - what good did they do Kildare? You had to bring that useless garsoon offspring of yours up there with you and he was their best player'. We parted company - I meeting Micko, we have great chats.

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